Saturday, September 27, 2014

I'm afraid of me- Nocturnal thoughts

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the cold that comes out of me every once in a while. I get so cold that I can't recognize myself when looking in the mirror. Same face. Same lips, nose and eyes. But different look and grimace. Eyes don't move. Heart not dead, but faintly beating. Motionless. I see me trapped by my own fears, paralyzed, screaming, begging to be freed. "Let go of me," I whisper. I can hardly hear my own voice. I'm angry. I'm afraid. And I cannot hear me. 

Tears coming down my eyes. But I'm still cold and I can barely recognize me. That dark place inside of me is getting bigger and bigger, spreading its tumors all around me, wrapping my ajna, throat, solar plexus and even my sacral center, but not the G center. They said I was born with none, and I think they are right. How do I feel so much pain while I have no G center? Oh! That's not how it works? Then is it more like "No G center, yes pain"? Nevermind. I'm not waiting for an answer. Nothing by the echo of others' screaming and moaning. Others like me. 
I turn to the other souls standing next to me. Same fears as mine but still feel different. So much in common but still afraid of each other. Different and sometimes indifferent. But when a billow of coldness tries to invade our hearts we become one, United! Teared apart I take a look at them and telepathize "how do you survive that?" and they telepathize back "we don't". 

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