The Narcissist and the Empath

After about two weeks of not seeing each other, they finally met. When he first saw her, he didn't pamper her with his words made of honey as he used to. He didn't throw love petals at her feet. He actually stabbed her with his thorns made of self-loathing and manipulation. He said "What's wrong with your face?", and followed it with a laugh. They had a fight, and he cancelled their date. She felt guilty thinking maybe she shouldn't had felt angry at him for saying that. He was just making a stupid joke, like he always did. She then sent him an email. 

"I love you. But I'm scared. I'm scared of you. I'm scared of me. I'm scared of us. I'm scared of routine. I'm scared of us no longer loving each other. I'm scared of us still loving each other but not standing each other. Not being able to be like we used to when we were crazy in love with each other. I'm scared. I'm scared!

You are my everthing! Literally! You are the one who cheers me up and puts me down. You are the one who made me rethink my suicide attempts. You are the one who made me feel alive. You are the one who made me feel how being alive feels like. You are life. You are my life. You are my everything. I'm sorry if I seem crazy sometimes. That's your effect on me. You make me crazy. Crazy about you. Crazy for us. Today, I felt unattractive when you said what you said. It is important for me to feel attractive when I'm with you. To feel appreciated by you. I want you to tell me nice stuff even when I look ugly. I want you to make me feel loved. I want to revive those moments when we were crazy about each other. I want us to be like that forever. I'm scared. And I love you the way you are. But you make feel angry sometimes. And I want you to be patient with me. No one is perfect. But you are perfect for me. And I want to be perfect for you. I want to feel perfect enough for you. I love you. Love of my little deaths. Love of my life."

1/29/2019 8:50 PM

He never responded. He visited her at her place for another date. They kissed and talked and laughed. When she asked him about the email, he called her childish and told her to never send similar things again. Five months later they were officially broken up. The narcissist is still a narcissist. And the empath.. Well, here I am. 

"نهاية اللعبة"

ساتعاطى أشرطة التأمل والطاقة الإيجابية مثلما تتعاطى أرواحنا أكاذيب هذا العالم. حتى أتوقف عن إزعاج الآخرين بشاشتي التي لا تملك سوى ألوان الأبيض والأسود والرمادي في بعض الأحيان. حتى اللون الرمادي يجب أن يتم الغاه. أصلاً لا وجود له. 

كذبة رقم واحد: ال"هو"، سيأتي يوماً ما لانتشالنا.

الحقيقة: العالم ليس سوى مسرح يتم فيه تجسيد "نهاية اللعبة" أو بالأحرى بداية النهاية التي لا نهاية لها. العقول القاحلة الجرداء تخترع قصصاً تفتقر إلى الخيال حتى تبرر البداية وتسكت كل من يفكر في النهاية. 

ملاحضة: الحقيقة لا وجود لها.. بعد.

My Endgame

When you reach the dead-ends of happiness or anything that is happiness-related, you feel like you want more and more. 

Because happiness is overrated, you feel unsatisfied. But your human body is either incapable of more or cannot handle more. Only then you become blue. You become blinded by blackness and life meaninglessness. 

I, like Hamm, cannot stand.

I, like Clov, cannot sit. 

Your life simply becomes an abiding manifestation of an endgame.