The Narcissist and the Empath

After about two weeks of not seeing each other, they finally met. When he first saw her, he didn't pamper her with his words made of honey as he used to. He didn't throw love petals at her feet. He actually stabbed her with his thorns made of self-loathing and manipulation. He said "What's wrong with your face?", and followed it with a laugh. They had a fight, and he cancelled their date. She felt guilty thinking maybe she shouldn't had felt angry at him for saying that. He was just making a stupid joke, like he always did. She then sent him an email. 

"I love you. But I'm scared. I'm scared of you. I'm scared of me. I'm scared of us. I'm scared of routine. I'm scared of us no longer loving each other. I'm scared of us still loving each other but not standing each other. Not being able to be like we used to when we were crazy in love with each other. I'm scared. I'm scared!

You are my everthing! Literally! You are the one who cheers me up and puts me down. You are the one who made me rethink my suicide attempts. You are the one who made me feel alive. You are the one who made me feel how being alive feels like. You are life. You are my life. You are my everything. I'm sorry if I seem crazy sometimes. That's your effect on me. You make me crazy. Crazy about you. Crazy for us. Today, I felt unattractive when you said what you said. It is important for me to feel attractive when I'm with you. To feel appreciated by you. I want you to tell me nice stuff even when I look ugly. I want you to make me feel loved. I want to revive those moments when we were crazy about each other. I want us to be like that forever. I'm scared. And I love you the way you are. But you make feel angry sometimes. And I want you to be patient with me. No one is perfect. But you are perfect for me. And I want to be perfect for you. I want to feel perfect enough for you. I love you. Love of my little deaths. Love of my life."

1/29/2019 8:50 PM

He never responded. He visited her at her place for another date. They kissed and talked and laughed. When she asked him about the email, he called her childish and told her to never send similar things again. Five months later they were officially broken up. The narcissist is still a narcissist. And the empath.. Well, here I am. 

Do I really have to write a title?

Here's something. I don't know if I have loyal readers of my very humble blog. I have a fine number of views despite the fact that I do not write that much. Only 196 posts. I only blame myself, especially that I have been posting all kinds of posts under all types of themes with no one precise topic. This blog actually kind of reflects my personality. This is who I am in real life. I want everything; I want to do everything; I want to learn about everything; I want to do everything. But I only end-up having a little bit of everything. I am indecisive and unfocused. I wish I was some sort of a superhero: A superhero who can multi-task. But my life is not that bad. I have come to a point where I actually love my life. Yes! I love my life! I cannot believe myself saying this. I am very satisfied with the person I am today. I am happy with the life I am leading today. I have absolutely nothing to complain about. 
I am writing this post after watching Julia & Julie. Meryl Streep. What a magical creature on earth! She is simply phenomenal. If the characters she is playing are real, you fall in love with the characters because of her. And if the characters are imaginary, you wish they were real. Every time I watch a movie and I like a particular character in it, I wish if I could be that character in real life, and I feel like if at least I show some initiative, I can definitely be whoever the hell I want. I know I can be anything or anyone I want. But I want to be all of them. And that is the problem. Even gods can only be gods and no one else.  

Ephemeral (poem)

 I need a break from life. From myself.

Unplug my brains.

Give my heart a long unpaid maternity leave.

I need to stop time,

Fall into a deep sleep in the middle of nowhere.

No Dreams. No nightmares.

I need to stop thinking.

About now and the hereafter.

About life, heaven and hell.

No one. No time. Nowhere.

Just miles and miles of whiteness.

Just me walking on the moist grass.

Bare-footed.

Walking down the road.

Not as a woman.

But a human.

No plans. No expectations.

No people. No prejudice.

Just me. And the road.

***

I need to rest my weary eyes.

I want no prince charming

To kiss me on my virgin lips

To wake me up.

Brace yourselves,

Children of the Human kind:

Life is no fairytale.

In dystopia,

The no-good place,

no place,

no..

No one will save you

Only YOU can save you.

Children of the Human kind:

Life is a hunger game.

Devils, survivors and angels of death.

Ö! Raphael!

Sweet Angel of Death,

Ephemeral can be anything

But you.

I do not fear you for I have seen your naked truth.

I shall fear no evil for you are within me.

Trust me with all your heart

And I shall release you from your pain.

For taking all those souls from their loved ones,

Away.

***

Let's befriend random people.

Talk to strangers.

Be their fallen-angels.

Help them unleash the human within them.

H

U

M

A

N

Only then I will part. Only then I will leave.

No one to be escorted by.

No family. No friends.

No one but Raphael.

Raphael, my love,

My sweet drop-dead gorgeous angel of death,

Shall we part? Shall we dance on the melody of

Life within death.

Let death be a heavenly window view.

A window of a train.

A classic old movie train.

With my coffee mug in my hands.

And the smell of hot coffee penetrating my nose.

Tickling my brain.

Sending shivers down my spine.

The mug softly touching my lusting-for-caffeine lips. 

Small sips swiftly tapping on the taste buds of my tongue.

Rolling down my throat in joy!

Performed on stage during the 2nd edition of Aspire to Inspire- Tunisia.